Motorcycle Diaries

Well I finally did it. I watched the motorcycle diaries. (this does not mean I wont read the book) I was forced to watch it alone in my bedroom because after 10 minutes my dad said, "this is stupid" To which I replied as intellecutally as a Tipton Co girl can (I was after all watching a movie with subtitles) "You're stupid"
Anyway, it was great and inspirational. I remember Paul Dawsons reaction to the movie after he had seen it. He was very happy and he said he wanted to go on a roadtrip and, I assume, to become like Che. Who wouldnt feel that way (besides Daddy of course) Since we are getting ready for this trip, I knew I should rent it. There are so many parts that I thought were incredible. I love the way he sees people and the way he is so honest. I love that he was a doctor and that he had such a useful skill to use. I love the scene where he swims across the river, asthma and all, just to be with the patients that he loves on his birthday. I started thinking about how his friend and everyone on the "healthy" side were discouraging him and yelling for him to come back. For a while he is alone in his decision. they think he is an idiot for risking his life. Then all of a sudden, the patients see him coming and realize who it is and they start encouraging him. Once he makes it, they help him up and everyone is cheering. Even the people that started out against his idea were cheering him on. His friend even makes the comment, "I knew he could do it" That is sort of how I feel at times. I feel misunderstood and discouraged by the very people who one day will tell me how great they think I am and what a wonderful thing Ive done. Not just with the roadtrip but with other things.
I was talking with an older friend the other day about some things we disagree on. It was more a discussion between andrea and the friend, but Draba was drowning in her argument so I was helping her to articulate a little better. During the discussion the friend kept referring to the fact that I shouldnt be here. I should be on a mission field somewhere. There is so much more that I could say about that conversation, but for now, I will say that I agree. I wish I could "go" and "do" but for whatever reason, I am going to be in Kansas City for awhile. I need to study. I need to become useful. And more than anything, I need to realize that suffering people are all around me. Sometimes this means denying myself certain things in order to live more simply. Sometimes it will mean spending time with people when I would rather be somewhere else or with other people. It will mean being uncomfortable at times. This year is going to change me, prepare me, to break me down a little more if that is possible. This trip is going to prepare me also and change me.

"This is not a tale of heroic feats. Its about two lives running parallel for a while, with common aspirations and similar dreams.....Wandering around our America has changed me more than I thought. I am not me anymore, at least I'm not the same me I was." ~Motorcycle diaries