Finding Contentment
Is it possible that when we strive to be more content, we sometimes cause ourselves to be less content.
My whole life I wanted a boyfriend. I knew that as soon as I had a boyfriend, I would be truely content. Every once in a while, I would be reminded that as christians, we need to be "content in Christ." He needs to be what satisfies us. That makes sense, but also I wanted a boyfriend. There were times I was very hard on myself and made myself feel terrible because I thought there was something wrong with my Christianity since I wasn't content in Christ alone! I think most of us would excuse my lack of faith and say my desires were reasonable and excusable.
Well, this wont be a suprise to anyone who knows me, but all my dreams came true in 2007. I got my long awaited boyfriend. I do admit I was in a much better place in my life than I had ever been before which was very helpful when I met Brandon, but having this person in my life really did give me what I would call a new found contentment....Is this to say I had never been "content" before? NO WAY! But it was something I desired for a long time that I finally had. It was great.
Unfortunatly, the truth was, I did not desire I boyfriend, I desired a person that would be my husband. It was not enough just to know that he "liked" me, I wanted to know that I was it and he wanted to commit to me for the rest of his life. (Please know that I really was in a good place and the thing with brandon was extremely special and different than any other dating experience I had ever had which was why I knew I wanted him to want to marry me. I was not so desparate that I had to marry the first guy I was serious about.) Is it possible that I felt some dicontentment even with a boyfriend. Why was I doing this to myself? All my dreams had come true right?
Now we are in the present. I am four months in people. My new dreams came true and I can finally have contentment right? Welllll....There's more. I still want more. I am American. We are taught from a young age to want, right? Not because we dont have but because almost nothing is denied. I am learning to find balance between contentment and desire. I dont want to be stagnant. I dont want to stop short of "the plans He has for me." So lets redefine content. Or maybe I just have a bad understanding in the first place. I think contentment is a state of mind that we constantly have to adjust. I have to let myself make plans and have dreams without being hard on myself for not being content. BUT I also have to bring myself back to the present. I need to live here and be positive about what is real and now.
posted by megan @ 9:32 AM
3 Comments:
I have super huge issues with contentment. If you figure anything out, let me know.
I did learn a lesson on vacation, though, that continues to be helpful. There is a place for longing too. My ideal life has no place for longing; it's all and only contentment. But what would that be like? It would be stagnant; it would resist change at any cost. It would not be flexible or very open-armed toward life (which is like a river, not a pond).
So, God's been trying to teach me about the place for longing. All I've got so far is this: when I'm longing for something else, I try to believe that I'm actually longing for God. And so I try to trace that longing back to it's source in God.
Sometimes it's really helpful. Sometimes I forget.
Megan,
I think you point out something very important about contentment, particularly where contentment lies. I think this is why the church talks about sabbath rest and simplicity. It's interesting when people talk about God in terms of simplicity, that is, saying God is simple. In chemistry simplicity has to do with how many chemicals are mixed together. So God is simple because he is one. If we think about contentment in those terms then we are called to rid our lives, or better, order our distractions to their proper places, which would be less important than God. Good post!
You make me feel more normal. I love when you write, I love when you share your thoughts...you have a gift. Has your new found love of yoga maybe pushed towards this idea of being in the present? Please say Ashley is your new favorite hero because she certainly is mine :)
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