Finding myself?

The road trip is over....Can you imagine. When Lindsey and I got back to Bourbonnais for the night, I was so sad. The only thing left I had to look forward to was Moon Monkey and Tie dye. I mean sure these are two of my favorite things, but both would be better on the west coast if I have to be completely honest with you the reader. There are so many things that this trip symbolized or meant to me and when it was over, I was sad. But over the last couple of days, I have thought about it a little and I am excited for my next step. Tomorrow I am leaving for Kansas City. That will be my new home for awhile. I have no clue what to expect. I dont know what my job will be or who I will hang out with, but I do know that this is going to be a time to really figure out what I want. I have to find a balance between people pleasing and selfishness. I apologize in advance for anyone who might have to experience this search for balance, but its something I have to do. I need to freakin figure out who I am, what I like and what I want. I think I always thought it was selfish to make decisions. Maybe that is a little extreme, but I think I have always tried so hard to figure out who to be around certain people that I forgot to figure out who I like to be. I think i was also afraid to make a decision because then I run the risk of not being allowed to change my mind. If I like/tolerate everything, I will be viewed as easy going or easy to get along with. Maybe its ok to differ in opinion or interests. Maybe its ok if I think I like something and then decide I dont. I dont think I had to travel 5600 miles to figure this out and I dont think this means I found myself, but what I did discover is that if you are searching for something that means it already exists. Therefore, if I am going to find myself, its already there I just have to get comfortable in what already exists or pick out the parts that dont fit and adjust a little. I have a few more things to blog about pertaining to the roadtrip, but for now, know that it was the trip of a lifetime, but we just skimmed the surface...now we know whats out there and we can do whatever we want with it.