Two steps back

You know the movies or TV shows where the the main character just cant win. No matter what they do, they keep digging a bigger hole for themselves and eventually it all falls apart. I know some people who wont even watch those movies because they just feel so uncomfortable the whole time. A few exmples are "just friends", "Meet the parents" and "save that dog". Well if you are one of those people who struggles to make it through stories such as these...Read NO Further. There are days when I feel like nothing goes right. I have been accused many times of exagerating so for Beths sake, I will not say that these things always happen, but when your are in the middle of it, it does seem like a constant.

As some of you know I have moved to Kansas City. As some of you might not know, moving and changing residence/banks/insurance/buying a car and changing the title/ every other freaking thing associated with it SUCKS. Today like many days before, I really felt like I cant do anything right. I cant even proof read my stupid last nmae correctly which ended up costing me more money than I probably have in the bank. Even though it sucks a lot to have to continually pay for things like a license or a title to the car or gas, it sucks about 23 times more when you have to pay more because of something that could have been avoided. One of my new least favorite feelings in the world is the feeling you get when something is inevitable but completely out of my control. No amount of tears or explainations or conversations can get you out of it....All it takes is money, which I guess is fine until you dont have extra. then it sucks.

How do some people do it? How do some people pay for accidents without health insurance or much needed car repairs, or the accident that occurs because you didnt have enough money for the needed car repair. I just think I am getting a very small taste of what its like to be stuck in "the system."

And maybe the worst part for me is the reminder when days like this happen, I am for the most part alone. Yes I have some friends and a roomate and even a familymember down here which is more than some and I get that, but there are just some times when you want that one person who either understands because theyve been there, or knows you well enough to just sit on the "veryin" and hold you while you cry or distract you until you can see clearly that its not that bad.

For now I find comfort in my blog (sad, i know) and a distant voice over the phone. I dont want my life to always be like this and all I can do is hope that someday things will change and i will have different stresses. (sad) why do we do this to ourselves?