Pain with a Purpose?

James begins by saying, " Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-4)
Come on James, what the hell? Who leads with that? Cant you start by giving thanks, or telling us your story, or better yet, a genealogy? No you have to start with the heavy stuff.
I do not think verses like this are for new Christians or for people who have not wrestled some with theological issues. And this is definitely not for someone who has not experienced the love of God or the extraordinary life of Jesus. So, here we go.
I think that suffering is a hard issue. Hard times either strengthen our faith or destroy it. My fear when I go through hard times is that I use "my faith" as a crutch. I don't want to be extra-religious in tough times and then forget about it all when times are easy. Or worse, I don't want to only praise God when I notice that he is good and "gives me good gifts." So this is my dilemma. This was a kinda crappy summer for me and my family. Spring gave me so much hope. Hope of new life, moving to a new place, and new experiences. Then it all came tumbling down and I could not justify anything that happened or see God working at all.
Then, to top it all off, here comes James, telling me to count it all joy!?!
I am a nurse at a birth center and have the pleasure of working with the pregos from the beginning. As I interview the ladies, I always want to know how they are feeling and if they are having any symptoms so I can make sure they are healthy and baby is doing well. During these interviews, especially in the beginning, I hear things like, well I throw up a lot or feel really nauseous, I am tired all the time, I cant go five minutes without peeing. Normally when I hear that someone doesn't feel well, I get this sad, compassionate look on my face. Not with these women. As they tell me these issues, I shake my head in affirmation and get this sick smile on my face. These women's ailments are so reassuring to me as their nurse. I know that symptoms usually are a sign of hormonal shifts which mean the body is doing what it is supposed to do. I can relate to James a little. Although we sound crazy, we are telling our listeners to count "suffering" as joy because we know the good result. I know the alternative of no symptoms (not that you have to have symptoms, because sometimes you do not). But the alternative to no pregnancy symptoms is no pregnancy. No future hope of new life. No beautiful end result. And James likewise knows the alternative to no suffering as a christian (not that you have to have suffering to be a Christian, because sometimes you do not). But the alternative to no trials during your life with Christ, is life without Christ. No beautiful end result, No future hope of new life. (this is a loose metaphor and probably there are better ways of articulating what I am trying to say, but think about it. It makes sense to me.)
As a woman who has never been pregnant past 8 weeks, and never delivered a baby, I know I am not allowed to judge anyone for complaining or accusing anyone of being a wimpy person, BUT as someone who has gone through a miscarriage, and walked with others through their own miscarriages, I find myself getting angry at women who complain about pregnancy symptoms throughout a pregnancy and never have anything good to say about it. I think they are selfish. If they only knew how precious this experience is. If they only knew that what they are taking for granted could be taken from them in an instant. If they knew the pain of the alternative, maybe they would view these symptoms as blessings. Maybe they would smile after tossing their cookies every morning. I don't know.
So upon reflection, maybe James feels the same way about me. I am in the midst still. I cant see the bright side, yet. But James says count it all joy. Paul says to press on for the prize. Do I have enough faith to trust that these trials are better than the alternative. Is it possible that James knows that the best is yet to come. Has God seen others live this life and make it to the other side to realize the joy that comes in the morning? I think it is possible. I am striving to not be selfish as I experience these growing pains.
I cannot explain my trials. There is nothing redeeming about the lose of an unborn baby, but I said blessed be your name. I said I would praise you when the darkness closes in. So here I am. I give you my right to selfishness. I give you my pains. Thank you for listening to my complaints and helping me realize that there could be a reason for the pain.