Its not about me?

Ive been wanting to blog a little about my newest job. I mostly wanted to update people on my job, but something happened to me today at work that made me think so I chose to write about it instead.
Last Wednesday I worked in the Childrens Center. I loved it. We were swamped. There were 6 kids under the age of 6 and one at school. I had some help but mostly I was on my own. The baby spent most of the day with other advocates so I could give attention to the older ones. One was sick and some of the others are just starving for attention and affection.
Confession, sometimes when I am here I get very arrogant in my mind and pat myself on the back for my patience and compassion. At times I judge other advocates for their attitudes towards clients and try to remind myself that I am new and I dont understand all of this yet.
So today I wanted to go and talk to one of the boys that I spent a lot of time with on Wednesday. I talked with him a lot and helped him read and he even drew me pictures that day, but when I went in today, he did not even recognize me....Not that I changed his life that day or anything, but what a reminder that I am a very small piece of his life and will probably be long forgotten....I guess I just didnt think it would be so quickly. I realize that he has been through a lot and met a lot of strangers over the past week, but it reminded me of my own importance, or lack there of. I do not do this job to be remembered or to be special in these kids lives. I and the other advocates are part of something huge that really is positive and potentially life changing for them, but it is not all about me and I need to be reminded of that often.
I hate to think about where these kids might end up or what statistics show about kids that go through what many of them have gone through, but I know the possibilty exists and it breaks my heart, but that wont stop me from doing what I can to give them a good day every once in a while. I wish I could take each one home and hug them and read with them and talk through things with them, but I cant. Or I wish that I could hand pick families for each one where I knew they would get what they need, but I cant.
What does God think about all of this. How does he trust us with each other; especially when we are babies. What a huge responsibilty that we have. This job at times makes me want to stop and just raise a family of my own. ONe where I can hold the baby and meet it's needs and not have to leave him or her with someone else after 8 hours. But then Im reminded that if that were the case I would easily get wrapped up in that and not be available to care for these babies and women who have needs just as great and even if I cant "fix" each one, I can be a part of their lives and even if it is unappreciated or quickly forgotten, it is important and necessary that I am here.

The best is yet to come

I have been in conversation with a few people today and it inspired this blog. So here it goes.
At lunch people were discussing church and more specifically, Trinity church of the Nazarene in KC. This is the church I have become a part of. One of the comments about the church was that it is not a "real church." By that what was meant was simply, it is made up of mostly seminary students that have been educated and therefore different things happen and sermons sound differnt than in "normal churches." In another conversation I had, a friend was telling me how she was thinking about how different things will be when she lives in a differnt place or even a different country.
Now here are my thoughts on these conversations. My first thoughts is to agree and say that what we have here is not "normal" at least not what Im used to. Trinity especially is made up of mostly educated seminary students and we do get to here sermons that can be deep and thought inspiring. I get that, but what I think is so cool is that what we are experienceing is becoming part of us and will hopefully spill over into our lives later on. Whether that is when we are pastoring our own church or when we are working as a missionoary in another country. The same thing was true for me with Olivet. I feel like while at Olivet, I was definitely not living in a "real world" but what I leanr at Olivet was how to live in community, and if you have talked to me or visited KC lately or if you live here you know that the concept of community has spilled over into my life here and what might not have been a "real world before prepared me for something that is definitely real to me know and I think that is very cool. And might I just say, I am very excited about what I am being prepared for.

Confession: right now I feel like I am writing a clinical journal.

I just got done working 13 hours at two different jobs. I worked for about 6 hours at the shelter tonight which was really good for me. I got to see a lot of things that I had not seen yet and do things I had not done yet. These are my thoughts on the experience.
First of all let me explain, I have been training for a job at a womens and childrens shelter. I am excited about the job because I always talked about doing midwifery and focusing on the population that is underserved. These women are definately part of that population. I am hoping to learn from these women and I am prepared to make mistakes. I realize I will probably be taken advantage of due to my lack of knowledge and street smarts. But for now, it is my belief that if a client has a request and I have a minute, there is no reason not to do everything I can to help them. I am trying to learn the balance between helping them and doing everything for them. It is hard sometimes to be with other advocates that work differently than I do. I am trying to learn ffrom them, but also do things my own way....This means I have to figure out what works because it works and what is personality.

OK, I am getting very tired and not forming complete thoughts....For now, know that I am happy, healthy, working only two jobs and occasionally looking to the future but realizing things are good right now.

Love,
Megan

PS, this is possibly the worst clincal journal ever. :)